Chapter Thirty Five and a Half!
by ObeyTheSnarf
Summary: Don't read this unless you've read up to chapter thirty five in my fanfic Bald Eagle. Used to be rated M, but several people said in their reviews that its more like a T.


Yo!

234 reviews! Yippee!

Btw Roy did not disappear. He was just somewhere else, and I will do a chapter about that. But not this chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.

So, here is the much awaited chapter thirty-five and a half!

* * *

Al suddenly sat up. He rubbed his eyes, and when his vision cleared, he saw Quozl jumping up and down on his sleeping bag. 

"Wake up, moron! Wake everybody up! NOW!" barked the tiny animal.

Al looked over at Magi, who was being jumped on by Bacchus.

"Get up! Emergency! I SAID GET UP YOU FUCKING SLOB!" screamed Quozl impatiently.

Sari, Shari, Ed, and Harriet woke up simultaneously, startled by the noise. Magi also sat up and yawned.

Shari poked Envy, who was curled into a ball inside his sleeping bag. He screeched, thrashed around, and finally poked his head out.

"Gaaaah! No more teddy bears! Nooooooo! NOOOOOOO! Oh. Heh heh... um... hi Shari?"

"Look, we need to get to the night club RIGHT NOW!" shouted Quozl.

"Why?" asked Harriet.

"The other homunculi are coming!" growled Quozl.

Envy looked like he was going to puke. "Lust is going to kill me! A million times! Whatdowedowhatdowedowhatdowedo?"

"Not to mention the rest of us can only get killed once," said Sari snidely.

"SHUT UP EVERYONE AND LET'S GO!" roared Quozl.

So they all went to the night club. When they got to the door, they all went through with a close fit as usual (except for Sari, who had no trouble because she is a midget XD)

When Harriet got into the nightclub, she found herself buried in cloth.

"What the...?"

She dug out of the pile and stepped out onto the floor. She looked over at Ed. He was stepping out of another pile of fabric... and he was completely naked (aside from having fur).

Harriet blushed and quickly averted her eyes and saw Magi and Al, who also seemed to be in the same situation as Ed. Looking around some more, she saw it was also the same with Shari and Envy, but not with Sari for some odd reason. A thought suddenly struck her, and she looked down at herself and promptly jumped back into the pile of fabric that looked suspiciosly like her pajamas.

"QUOZL!" she yelled angrily.

Quozl shrugged. "I guess there's a problem with the door."

"What about Sari?"

"She's just so small that there wasn't a problem."

"HEY! I heard that!" said Sari angrily.

* * *

-Quozl's POV- 

Well, that was unexpected! Still, this should be interesting. The homunculi will probably search all right, so these guys will have to stay overnight.

I think I might get to have a little fun with this situation...

* * *

-back to normal POV- 

Quozl snickered.

"What was that?" said Ed.

Quozl held up his paw. "Oh, nothing. Nevermind. Well, the homunculi will probably look for you guys all night, so you're going to have to stay here overnight."

"WHAAAAAT?" shouted Ed.

"Quozl, we can't stay here all night... NAKED!" protested Harriet.

"You're not naked," said Quozl. "You have fur."

"QUOZLWEAREN'TWEARINGANYCLOTHESYOUSONOFAJILL(see author's note)WE'RENAKED!" screamed Harriet, turning purple.

"Okay, then everyone in the room except for Sari is naked then," said Quozl. "So?"

"So-" stammered Harriet. "So, _humans_ do not just run around naked! We're still part human, don't forget!"

"Why _don't_ humans run around naked?"

"Because humans-" Harriet blushed redder. "Er... (cough) because humans have their, um, reasons."

Quozl grinned. "Well, just relax. You're part ferret; nobody here is going to be bothered if you run around naked like everyone else."

Everyone reluctantly stepped out of their piles of clothing.

Quozl grinned again. "Good. Now go dance!" He motioned towards the dance floor.

So they went and danced. And then the Numa Numa song came on.

Harriet squealed and jumped up and down, and began to break dance with a bucket of Jell-O on her head. Because everyone knows that is the best way to dance to the Numa Numa song. (:

* * *

-1 hour later- 

Sari was still break dancing and showed no signs of stopping, but Magi, Shari, Harriet, Envy, Al, and Edward were starting to get a little tired.

Quozl walked up to Sari. "Holy shit! How much sugar did you eat?"

Sari shrugged, still break dancing. (just imagine someone shrugging while break dancing! ROFL!)

Quozl shook his head and walked over to everyone else, now sitting down at a table and talking. "Guys, you look really tired. I think it's time for bed."

Harriet frowned. "But we can't go back to the house now, it's not safe!"

Quozl smirked. "We have some rooms here. It's not a problem."

Harriet's eyebrow went up. "Um... okay... but it is it just me or does that seem... nevermind."

Quozl led them into a hallway with a few doors in it. He opened the first door, revealing a small room with a padded floor and some blankets. "Magi and Al can sleep here," said Quozl.

"Shouldn't they stay in seperate rooms?" asked Harriet, frowning.

"No," said Quozl simply.

Harriet scowled at Quozl.

Ed just looked confused.

Quozl led Envy and Shari to another room, then took Harriet and Edward to another room.

Harriet leered at Quozl as he closed the door.

Quozl smirked. "See you in the morning, you two," he said sweetly.

Once the door was closed, Quozl ran over to another room and went inside, chuckling to himself.

Inside the room, there was a control panel and three screens. Quozl sat down in front of it and began to press buttons, and an image came onto each screen. Quozl looked at the rightmost screen, which was connected to a hidden camera in Magi and Al's room.

Quozl just stared at the screen for a few seconds, then burst out laughing. "HAHAHAHAHAHA! Those rabbits must've been at it since the moment the door closed!"

Quozl looked at the other two screens, and, seeing no more "action," got to work pushing more buttons.

"Let's see, setting humidity, temperature, air flow... and if nothing else works, I can always put some pheremones in the air in there, but not yet, I think..."

* * *

-ok now we can go see what Envy and Shari are doing, heheheh...- 

Shari and Envy sat with their backs turned to eachother, each at the opposite end of the room.

Envy suddenly and on impulse (like he does everything else) jumped on Shari...

* * *

-back to Quozl- 

Quozl snickered and clapped. "Well, there _they_ go now... but nothing happening with Harriet and Ed yet..."

* * *

-at Harriet and Ed's room- 

Like in Envy and Shari's room, Harriet and Ed were in opposite ends of the room.

"Ed," said Harriet suddenly.

Ed looked at her. "What is it?"

"Umm..."

"Well?"

"Erm, could I... um... pet your fur?"

Awkward silence.

Ed broke the silence. "Um... why?"

Harriet blushed. "Um, well, I was just wondering your fur feels like. It looks soft." She immediately felt like an idiot. "N-nevermind, forget what I said." She curled up into a ball.

"No, it's all right. You may."

Harriet's ears perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah... and... um... could I pet your fur too?"

"Okay."

Harriet began to pet Ed's chest fur. It was soft and warm and it smelled good.

Ed ran his hand down Harriet's body, and accidentally touched her breast. He froze, and so did Harriet.

Ed drew back. "I- I'm s-s-sorry..."

Harriet snapped out of it. "It's ok, Ed. Um, I need to ask you something..."

"What is it?"

"Well, you see, I have almost no doubt at this point that Quozl is trying to get us to... um... do something. My question is.. erm.. well..."

"Well?"

"If I know Quozl, he's not going to give up until he reaches his goal. He might even use mind control or something-"

"WHAT?"

"And I... would rather do that... not under mind control... if... I mean... well... do you want to?"

Ed looked startled. "I... yes."

Harriet kissed him, and he pulled her closer. She wrapped her legs around him.

Roxie (from anime club, just don't ask O.o) suddenly appeared, but neither Harriet nor Ed noticed at all. Roxie sqealed and took a picture. She grinned. "Now to go worship this picture!" she said, and disappeared. O.o

* * *

-at Quozl- 

Quozl grinned in triumph. "Mwahahahaha! My plan has succeded! Now, what should I do with the video tapes?"

Suddenly, Quozl felt a gun being pressed into the back of his head. On the other end of the gun was lieutenant Chink, baring her teeth at him. "Dammit, colonel! Do you need to be baby-sat constantly to keep you out of trouble? It took me ages to figure out where you went! People are getting worried!" Her eyes drifted to the screens. "What the hell, sir! Looks like I got here too late! They're minors, you idiot colonel sir! You could get in a lot of trouble for this! What are you going to do about it?"

Quozl sat back in his chair lazily. "I'll just erase their memories tomorrow morning, then have a few of my men take them back to the house, and it'll be like it never happened."

Chink's eyes narrowed. "Very well, but you _WILL_ have to tell them what happened sooner or later."

Quozl smirked. "Now, I'll just take these tapes and-"

Chink pointed the gun at his head again. "Leave the tapes. When you tell them what happened - as you eventually will have to- you could show them the tapes to prove you aren't joking."

"Um, yeah. I'll do that."

* * *

-at Harriet and Ed's room (the next morning)- 

When Harriet opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was yellow fur.

_WTF? Where am I? What happened? Wait... oh shit..._

The memories of last night suddenly came back to her, and she realized she had her head on Ed's chest. The yellow fur was his. Furthermore, he had his arms wrapped around her, and she could barely move.

And then Ed woke up. He rubbed his eyes. And then he saw Harriet. And screamed.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" he yelled, scrambling backwards into a wall. "We couldn't have- We didn't- OH SHIT!"

Harriet blushed. "No, I'm pretty sure we _did_," she said grimly, shaking a little.

"I- I'm sorry..."

"It's as much my fualt as it is yours. But mostly it's Quozl's fault..."

"THAT DAMN SICK PERVERTED BASTARD! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!"

The door opened, and Quozl walked in, smirking. "Morning, lovebirds!"

Harriet turned red. "YOU SON OF A JILL! (again, look at the author's note)"

Quozl smirked. "I think you two had best forget about the whole thing..."

Harriet suddenly fell asleep, and as she drifted, she saw Ed do the same...

* * *

And so ends chapter thirty-five and a half! 

Make sure to go back to Bald Eagle for the next chapter (whenever it is that I write it).

A jill is a female ferret, just like a bitch is a female dog. So Quozl is definately a son of a jill.

Ed: Wait, he's erasing our memories?!

Me: Yup.

Ed: That sucks!

Me: Yup.

Ed: Stup saying 'yup.'

Me: Yup.

Ed: -,-

Toodles!


End file.
